USUALLY

Ir’s been days since I woke up eager to write. My thoughts in my head seem to be jumbled up. I am unable to write anything down on paper. Anything that inspires me, so to speak. Considering just getting out of bed is a task these cold fall days.

I’m affected by the time change’s darkness that is so early in the evening. It’s almost like darkness is a clue for us to settle down to sleep at 6 pm. Last night, my intentions were to go to bed after I took a warm shower, then slide on my night clothes. Ha! “Night clothes” reminds me of Zachary as a little boy wanting to put on his “bed clothes” at night. The ironic thing is that my grandma Elsie used to say the phrase ,” bed clothes.” How is it that my son who never met her ends up saying the same term? That is the wonder of life, I guess. Oh, back to my story…

I intended to settle down in bed a lot earlier. However, I ended up sitting in my chair in the living room. I drank some milk and had a snack while watching some TV. Hence, that is why I struggled to get out of bed this morning. Luckily, after lunch today, I was able to take a long nap to recover a bit. Or just forget that I needed to recover a bit. Granted, it is now 10 pm, and I’m proofreading my blog post for the day. Go figure.

So today, I planned to move as much as I could, get some sunlight, and then accomplish what I can. Outside sunlight would be good, along with some exercise. However, I didn’t spend any time outside today. Instead,I find myself in a funk these dark and cold days. I can’t seem to do the things that will lift myself out of my darkness right now.

MY HOPE is that one day I will start feeling passion for life again. Maybe I can wake up excited. Maybe all this pressure to measure up to the things I want in life will be the blessing I pray for. This can happen. Blessings can overflow in areas that you hope for, right? A person can’t die without hope, right?

Please don’t think my whole life is darkness. No, I have a good life. It’s just certain things I hope for dont really seem possible right now. This is the life of a traumatic brain injury survivor, to feel at a loss for hope in the future, but I know it’s the devil again trying to get me to center all my attention on my troubles.

I really do try to shine for God’s glory and not mine. At times, I can’t picture how my life is a blessing but one that’s full of hardships to overcome instead. I see others looking at me like I must be getting what I deserve as some sort of punishment in life. I am not always strong in my faith to overcome these battles. Nothing can be further than the truth. At times, I feel sorry for myself. I know that’s a lie the devil wants me to believe. I can feel like I don’t deserve for others to see God’s glory through me by blessings in life. Then, I am reminded that others feel the same as me in their life. That’s why we need to be here for each other.

We are at the point in my story where I pray for the Holy Spirit to convict all who harbor bitterness, slandar, or gossip about others. In God’s eyes, sin is sin. I pray earnestly for those who spread Discord. Pray about it. Convict me as well as others, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

So, to close, I want to say Im thankful, grateful, and blessed for those in my life. Also,at least there are no bugs or snakes or spiders right now. During my favorite time of the year, when bugs or other creepy crawly things run to hide for the rest of the year. Things could be worse. There could be bugs right now!

Until Next Time,

Heidi💜