…AND NOW FOR A DOUBLE-#JUJOJAN, #SoCS

-January 10

#JusJoJan the 10th and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “don’t get me started.” 

When I wake up I have so many words dancing around in my head. As soon as I get to my computer, my mind seems to go blank. I need to start somewhere, right? First things first. This is me. Really me Heidi speaking and not some made up lab technician from a lab somewhere that I still don’t have a name for. I make up stories because I live through others. Why? Because my life is a series of mental health issues like major depressive disorder, and extreme panic attacks which is in remission. Or so my health team says. Don’t get me started. Okay, I’ll give them the “extreme panic attacks” are in remission; somewhat. I now have anxiety attacks or frustration attacks or anger attacks. Don’t worry it’s just my mouth. Trust me I am not violent. Mental Health doesn’t make me violent. I am confused why the media, or law and authorities plus those who do terrible crimes claim they have mental illness. They may have issues with mental illness however I believe those people are mean. They need Jesus like my mama says. I believe mental illness is internal. It’s an internal battle that is felt every day. It’s a struggle we don’t even understand fully. We have medicine to help dull the symptoms, but our mental illness never goes away.

Remind me not to focus on myself. Hence, the reason for my made-up characters. Does that mean I have multiple personalities? Um… no! It means I am fully me, authentic, and uniquely me. I am “a bag of Chex mix but with a flare. I add peanuts to the mix.

Until Next Time,

Heidi💜