#739

beam blunt works moment own shape ancient envy truth scroll shift fluid

I don’t mean to be blunt. I speak the truth when I say, the moment we own responsibility for our self-awareness is when we begin to shape our lives into something greater. We shift our thinking as we learn that we are the common denominator for some of our problems. What is it in our personality that works against our growth? Is it an ancient glitch of envy? Are we stuck in a negative thinking pattern where we do not believe that we deserve a beam of hope in our lives? It’s crazy how we scroll social media and look at our friend’s lives and think, “we don’t have those things in life because we are doing something wrong.” I am referring to the fluid flow of our belief that we deserve hope too. We all need hope. Somehow hope is a little harder for those with mental disorders. Hope is hard to look for when a disability screams at you. I am not sure of anyway other than distraction that will ease that grief. It can be hard to be happy. To have so much fighting against you. I don’t know how to relieve grief. It’s a constant feeling that no matter where you are you feel trapped in a world that doesn’t seem real. A world that is real to you.  One that you have to keep rising up from. It’s like a fall that hurts and embarrasses you, but you have a smile on your face to reassure everyone else. When you are the one who wants to sit down, give up and cry.

On a happier note, I had a wonderful day with my mom. That makes up for a lot. To spend time with a loved one is worth more than a million dollars. I am home now. My bath is done; now I am finishing a blog post. So ready to settle down between the sheets, get warm and read a book. Most importantly I pray to God in thanks for another day! I want to end my post with a quote from Through the Looking Glass:

“Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.’

I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

― Lewis Carroll

Until Next Time,

Heidi💜