“IT WOULD HELP IF” …

It would help if I lost weight. At least if I stumble, there is a cushion to support me.

It would help if I didn’t have to try so hard to live normal as a TBI survivor. You have a reason to give yourself grace, Heidi. Everyone has a reason to give theirself grace.

It would help if the only cleaning I did was maintaining and not cleaning after everyone else. Why do others in the household make neatness and cleanliness so difficult? I get to be thankful for my reasons that the house feels messy at times. This is deep. Don’t  you think? C’mon people, it’s hard to feel thankful with an unkempt house after you clean it.

It would help if I didn’t stumble when I walk or even walk like a drunk person. I do love to laugh at stuff like that. A sense of humor makes life as you know it easier. No matter your circumstances in life.

It would help if I felt like an adult with the right equipment. I don’t want to feel like a child trying to be an adult. Quit your complaining,Heidi (inside joke). Everyone feels like they don’t know what they are doing. The good ones laugh about this.

It would help if the people I wish were here for support really gave a “care.” That’s not everyone. I do have friends who encourage me. Plus, the real ones stay in touch!

It would help if I felt like I was in control. I need to stop wimping out at the sign of someone’s dominance. First of all, NO human IS in control. Some think they are in control. Tisk Tisk!

It would help if my future felt more certain or secure. No one knows their future. Anyone can lose their life the next second. Trust that all will work out. No matter what.

It would help if I could supply for my family.  Instead, I feel broken inside. Take one step at a time. The next step is the only one you need to do.

It would help if I didn’t feel like I was going to die any minute. I was also hoping I would die in my sleep. It would help if I felt like I was actually living instead of just wasting my time and everyone else’s. It would help if my past wasn’t full of bad decisions that were out of my character. YADA YADA YADA. DOUBT IN ONESELF IS COMMON BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERMANENT.

These were the words that were in my head today. Well, this morning. My job was to find a common ground to stand on. I wanted to respond to any doubts I had when I stumbled out of bed this morning.

I’ve lost my interest in life at times. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t love life. Life is just different since the old me died. I’ve been living as a new person these days. I mean, since my son was born. I know that has been 18 years. So it’s always good to give yourself a reminder that we all have a reason to live. Please find yours.

Your past had to happen so that your future would be better.

Until Next Time,

Heidi💜